Comments on: Does It Pay To Bribe Your Children?

By: Karen, author of "My Funny Dad, Harry"

Karen, author of "My Funny Dad, Harry" — Wed, 10 Dec 2008 14:25:28 +0000

Paying kids to behave, no way. I could see giving kids allowance each week to teach them saving and budgeting, and then if they don’t behave properly, you have another thing you can take away. Just a thought.

By: Ian Peatey

Ian Peatey — Thu, 04 Dec 2008 22:52:24 +0000

Hi Ari.

Incentives surely work if our only aim is to get our kids to do something without concern about the reasons they are doing it. Don’t get me wrong … I use them myself with my 5 year old from time to time. I’m just not so happy about it! I notice that she starts to expect it, ask for it (even if it’s very rare). Kids are learning machines .. and I think it easy to forget that as an adult. So they learn faster than the speed of light and not necessarily the things we want to teach them. So I would simply advise caution to anyone thinking about bribing or giving an incentive. Do it .. but be prepared for some consequences!

By: Ari

Ari — Thu, 04 Dec 2008 05:07:57 +0000

@Ian
You’re right, there’s no question … as a long-term goal, we want our kids to do the right thing because it’s the right thing. But perhaps an incentive can help them get that place?

@Naysh
Knowing how & when to stop is definitely a worry. I picture a fire hose that id hard to turn off!

Thanks for the comments everyone, keep them coming.

By: naysh

naysh — Thu, 04 Dec 2008 04:25:01 +0000

There is no harm in bribing if done in moderation. Problem comes when it becomes a habit and the kid demands an incentive for each and every thing that they do

By: Ian Peatey

Ian Peatey — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 10:19:02 +0000

Ari. Reminds me of a story (can’t remember where – I either read it on a friend’s blog or I was told it) of a parent who was giving small favours / treats to get their child to do things as a matter of habit. They thought everything was going really well until one day the parent asked the child to speak to the grandparents on the phone (it was Christmas or something like that). The child replied …”Sure! What are you going to give me?”

I’m really uncomfortable about using reward and punishment to get my kids to do things. I don’t want them to do things out of fear of punishment or fear of not getting rewarded. I want them to do things because they see how it serves them or serves other people. I want them to be able to give and receive gifts out of an energy of gratitude .. not as a reward.

And this takes a lot of time to teach them and show them this. I don’t always have the time and there are some moments when in desperation I threaten or give an incentive. I almost always regret it later. And I try to make those moments the exception rather than the rule.

Thanks for the stimulation … I enjoy your blog and am going and explore a bit more. Ian

By: Ari

Ari — Thu, 27 Nov 2008 05:15:34 +0000

I agree … the more I think about it, the less comfortable I am with this idea. But oooh, it is tempting sometimes!

By: wendy

wendy — Thu, 27 Nov 2008 01:57:36 +0000

hmmm… I am not sure this is a good technique to reinforce positive behavior. I mean involving money and all. I think it will send the wrong message to the kids that the world revolves around money.