7
Does It Pay To Bribe Your Children?
An article on the NYC Moms blog got me wondering recently about giving my kids an incentive to behave. Incentive, yes, that’s the word I’m looking for … because bribe just sounds a little too desperate. Bribe implies that I’m completely at the end of my rope and can’t possibly take one more outburst, or argument or whine, or, or … and I try not to sound like that more than once or twice a week if I can help it. No, we’ll call it an incentive.
So, do I give my kids an incentive to behave well? Sure I do; like everyone else, I’ll offer a special treat in return for acting properly at the grocery store, or the chance to stay up late and watch a movie in return for getting the birthday thank you notes written before next year’s birthday.
But that’s really not what we’re talking about, is it? We’re talking about cash money in your hand — greenbacks, dough, bread, bucks — a bribe incentive for not making Dad’s day any more insane than it has to be. And that makes me feel a little uneasy, although the picture Amy O. paints of her solution is very alluring:
“What followed was the most peaceful day I can remember in a long time! There was zero bickering, none! They each got their dollar and I told them the same deal would be on for the next day. And the next. And the next. Principles, schminciples. $14 a week is a cheap price to pay for peace and quiet.”
It’s hard to argue with that, but I’m still uncomfortable with the idea of paying my children for the kind of behavior I would expect them to show anyway. Perhaps if this was an interim solution, a way to establish a pattern that could then continue without payment, it would be worth a try.
Any thoughts from you readers?
If you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!
7 Responses to “Does It Pay To Bribe Your Children?”
Leave a Reply
hmmm… I am not sure this is a good technique to reinforce positive behavior. I mean involving money and all. I think it will send the wrong message to the kids that the world revolves around money.
I agree … the more I think about it, the less comfortable I am with this idea. But oooh, it is tempting sometimes!
Ari. Reminds me of a story (can’t remember where – I either read it on a friend’s blog or I was told it) of a parent who was giving small favours / treats to get their child to do things as a matter of habit. They thought everything was going really well until one day the parent asked the child to speak to the grandparents on the phone (it was Christmas or something like that). The child replied …”Sure! What are you going to give me?”
I’m really uncomfortable about using reward and punishment to get my kids to do things. I don’t want them to do things out of fear of punishment or fear of not getting rewarded. I want them to do things because they see how it serves them or serves other people. I want them to be able to give and receive gifts out of an energy of gratitude .. not as a reward.
And this takes a lot of time to teach them and show them this. I don’t always have the time and there are some moments when in desperation I threaten or give an incentive. I almost always regret it later. And I try to make those moments the exception rather than the rule.
Thanks for the stimulation … I enjoy your blog and am going and explore a bit more. Ian
There is no harm in bribing if done in moderation. Problem comes when it becomes a habit and the kid demands an incentive for each and every thing that they do
@Ian
You’re right, there’s no question … as a long-term goal, we want our kids to do the right thing because it’s the right thing. But perhaps an incentive can help them get that place?
@Naysh
Knowing how & when to stop is definitely a worry. I picture a fire hose that id hard to turn off!
Thanks for the comments everyone, keep them coming.
Hi Ari.
Incentives surely work if our only aim is to get our kids to do something without concern about the reasons they are doing it. Don’t get me wrong … I use them myself with my 5 year old from time to time. I’m just not so happy about it! I notice that she starts to expect it, ask for it (even if it’s very rare). Kids are learning machines .. and I think it easy to forget that as an adult. So they learn faster than the speed of light and not necessarily the things we want to teach them. So I would simply advise caution to anyone thinking about bribing or giving an incentive. Do it .. but be prepared for some consequences!
Paying kids to behave, no way. I could see giving kids allowance each week to teach them saving and budgeting, and then if they don’t behave properly, you have another thing you can take away. Just a thought.