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Curfews For High School Kids
Curfews can be one of the most complicated issues for parents and their teenagers to negotiate … and trust me, I use the word negotiate deliberately. Once a child is in their teens it becomes almost impossible — and self defeating — to tell them what they should do, when they should do it, and how it should be done.
Instead, an elaborate dance ensues during which it’s the job of parents to lead their teen to a point where they actually want to do something that you want them to do. In an ideal situation it’s even better if they walk away from this discussion with the feeling that not only did they come up with this idea themselves, but that they did it despite your objections. It’s only fair to warn you, however, that this type of advanced mental jujitsu is mastered only after years of training, and is not recommended for beginners!
In our home, one of the current topics of discussion is the question of curfews. We have a couple of teenagers in high school, and their schedules are amazingly hectic. After long days at school their evenings are then packed with activities; youth groups, band practise, part-time jobs, homework, hanging with friends … the list is simply endless. In almost every case they are involved in things that we approve of and support, so we’re quite comfortable with them being so busy.
But we genuinely are concerned that they just aren’t getting enough sleep. They leave for school before 7:00 am and some of these activities keep them out until very late at night, and so we are trying to have them at least get an early night on the evenings that they are actually home. But of course, if you’re used to coming home late sometimes it’s hard to accept an earlier curfew another time.
For now, since they’re fairly sensible kids who we trust, we’re being pretty liberal; so long as we know where they are, who they’re with, and when they’ll be home, they simply need to get home before midnight. We’re trusting that their bodies will tell them to get sleep eventually and that they’ll learn for themselves that they need to pace themselves.
I’m curious if anyone else has ideas they can share? Please, do comment below if you have advice for those of us with teenagers.
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9 Responses to “Curfews For High School Kids”
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Blessings! I would like to pass on an award I created for those who share the light! Thank you for inspiring me, and helping me on my journey. Love, light, and blessings. Love, Kimmy
Interesting post. It’s best to talk to them. Teenagers are sensible. If you force things on them, they’ll rebel but if you explain it to them and tell them why you’re asking them to do so, they’ll surely agree.
A lot of them are confused – even I was at some level. As long as they have good guidance, everything will be okay at the end.
@Kimmy; thank you very much, that’s sweet of you.
@ Atif; I agree, it’s all about communication.
Thank you both for stopping by.
I’m not a parent yet. But my high school nephew is living with us. True enough, they seem busy in school and other teen activities. He has a curfew though. He should be in the house on or before 10pm. He, too, does go to school early. His curfew though on weekends is 12mn, as long as we know where he is and who he’s with.
Denise, it sounds as if you have worked out a sensible solution to this question. Like you, our biggest requirement is that we should know where the kids are and who they’re with.
yup, teens now a days are advance that is why. in our time we are sometimes difficult to handle too so I should know how parents would feel because am a parent now c:
I have 3 teenage boys and each are very different. My oldest will be 19 in January and he just comes and goes. I just ask him to let us know when he is working and whats going on. Plus to please call when he isn’t coming home. He is pretty good about it. My next son will be 17 on the 14th of December. He has a very busy life with school and sports. I find he runs himself so hard during the week that he sleeps all weekend and ends up not going out. This works for me, I know where he is. Then there is my 15 year old, oh my, this boy is really giving me gray hairs. He pushes every button there is with me. He is normally grounded and stuck home right now. I don’t really know what I’m going to do with him in the next couple of years. Next I have a 10 year old that is just as sweet as can be right now. I have found I don’t really like teenagers but I’m told that it gets better after the teenage year.
I find that dealing with teens it’s best to let them think they are part of the “negotiating” process. Instead of merely laying down the law, by allowing them to have input a compromise can usually be reached. It teaches them that they can’t always have their way but they appreciate being treated like adults (even if they still act like children!).
BTW, I found your blog through Entrecard and find it very interesting. I’ll be sure to drop by more often!
Cheers!
I think it depends largely on the child. As you said, you have kids that are involved in activities that you approve of and your children have proven to be trustworthy. A later curfew is reasonable if you know your child will communicate with you about his activities.
I also think that it’s important to start discussing these topics long before the child reaches the age where it’s time to make the decisions. Your children should learn early that you have certain expectations and certain rules. That way, it won’t be a shock to them to find out that they have a certain curfew at a certain age when their friends might have a much more liberal curfew.